From Ashes To Amen

Welcome to my blog! This is a space God has called me to create – where faith meets honesty, and biblical truth meets real life. Here, we talk about the hard things: the questions people avoid, the struggles we carry quietly, the convictions that challenge us, and the hope that anchors us. My heart is to dig deep into scripture, uncover what the Bible really says, and walk with you through topics that refine, stretch, and strengthen our faith. Whether you're seeking clarity, comfort, or understanding of God's word, this is a place for raw truth, grace, and spiritual growth. I'm so glad you're here.

My Testimony

I believe I have always had the gift of faith. I have just always known there is a God. My mom always said that she wanted more than anything for my siblings and I to know God but was afraid of misleading us while on her own search. But, without her search and guidance, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

I have gone through a few different churches growing up. My mom was on a mission to find God and well, when you have kids, they come along with you. When I was little, we were a part of a Pentecostal Church. I remember I was baptized there and that I did coloring books a lot with other kids. We stopped going to church for years, but God was still talked about. When we moved to Pennsylvania, we started going to a Jehovah Witness Church. I remember there were no windows, and we always sat behind the glass because my siblings and I were loud, and we were typically late. I don’t think we were there for that long. My mom then heard from a family member about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. One thing I will always stand by, is people who practice the Mormon faith, are the most kind and genuine people I have ever met. There was one year where my parents couldn’t afford Christmas, and we woke up to most of our front porch covered in gifts for my family and groceries that filled our fridge and pantry. I loved going to that church. I made so many friends that felt like family. But, from the young age of 12, I knew I had to be careful of what I was learning. I was very convicted when it came to the Book of Mormon but didn’t realize conviction is what it was. I got baptized at 13, mainly because my sister did it. I did the temple trips, baptisms for the dead, and listened to General Conference. But I knew something was off. I ended up leaving the church at 17 by my own decision. After that, I stopped going to church for 5 years. I didn’t go to church because I was afraid of being taught things that weren’t true. A struggle I still deal with as I am turning 23.

Years go on, and I knew a lot about God but through my own research. In January of 2024, I prayed that God would send me someone who would show me that church isn’t bad. I wanted to go to church but was afraid. In February of that year, a girl named Madison started in my department at my job. I knew that she was going on a mission’s trip to Spain and I was curious on what that was all about. Learning about her mission’s trip turned into weeks of daily conversations about God. I would ask questions and even share experiences. One day, she asked me what church I went to. I didn’t go to church. She was shocked but I told her my fears, and she encouraged me to go. She even invited me to go to her church. I gave a lot of push back, but grateful I went now. Months later after trying to get me to finally come, I went. May 5th of 2024. I got to the parking lot and was so close to texting her and saying I can’t do it. But I asked God for this. So, I went. And I was totally meant to be there. They had a guest speaker that day by the name of Jake Kail. First, we had worship which was something I didn’t know you could do with not being in a pew. I was very uncomfortable but still knew I had to be there even though I wanted to run out. Jake Kail ended up speaking, and it was a topic that if anyone was supposed to be there, it was me. Demonic Presence and being possessed. I have seen that before throughout my childhood. I have been abused by a family member who I thought for years knew what they were doing, but it wasn’t them. That is a whole other story. I cried during the sermon. Thanking God for showing up. And then, I was asked about baptism. I was baptized in the Mormon church so, why again? Madison explained the importance, and I didn’t feel like that was for me. I prayed about it, asking God if that is something I should be looking into. In June of 2024, I believe it was the 16th, I had a dream. The most vivid dream I have ever had. I was sitting on a sectional couch with Mason, my boyfriend, and surrounded by my parents and siblings. I was dying from cancer. I knew it was cancer because my head was shaved. I went and gave everyone a gift. Mason got my cross necklace I always wear, my mom got my car, my dad got my dog, my brother got my Bible, and my sisters got my clothes. Mind you, I was watching this all happen from the ceiling. Then it was time, my last breath. I looked at Mason and let go. Then, I watched my soul leave my body and then I saw a white light for 3 seconds. I woke up and immediately knew, Heaven is real, and I need to get baptized. But I didn’t want it done in a church. I planned for August 3rd to get baptized at a Jesus Rally being held in Ephrata. I got to the church, and Madison called me and told me they canceled baptisms. It was the last rally. Months later learned that it was the last rally ever. I cried. Madison told me that it will happen. She will make sure I get baptized. And well, about 45 minutes later, I’m sitting in a cow trough that someone had delivered so I could get baptized. And on that day, I was saved. I was on cloud 9 for months.

Though I was on cloud 9 for months, it went away. Feeling God actually went away. I stopped going to church, reading my bible, worship music honestly made me mad. I can admit that I became the worst version of myself. I had no patience for anyone, I gave attitude all the time, I was dramatic, I had no emotion. I would pray to God, but my prayers sounded like this, “God, please turn my water into alcohol.” Silly right? Like God is not going to answer that… I hate to even say this, but my boyfriend even contemplated on if he wanted to be with me because he didn’t know this version of me. I was always a happy person and during this time, I wasn’t wanted in the room. When it got to that point with Mason, I knew something was wrong. I cried so hard and I got on my knees, and I was yelling to God. I was yelling and begging Him to ruin my life if that means He is the only one I can lean on. It was getting to the point where I didn’t want to be here but all I needed was to know He was with me. That night I completely surrendered my life to Him. And I can say, I had some of the worst experiences of my life. But, with Him. I lost a lot. I had my character questioned. I had lies made up about me. I almost lost family members to situations. He literally made it to where the only one I could lean on was Him. But my favorite part about this story is that God was with me the whole time. You will learn that Exodus 14:14 is a verse that has changed my life.

As I reflect on that time where I didn’t feel God, it was like I asked Him to meet me at a coffee shop and though He was there before me and even grabbed a table, I sat at another table and was upset He didn’t sit with me.

So, that’s my testimony. The Lord has been so kind to me and all though that was not all the depth of it, I feel I have a good understanding of who He is. I’m excited to sit with you and just express the love He shows and has for His children. I have also been going to a church and involving myself more in bible study. He has been speaking to me so clearly. And it was all because I surrendered to Him.

Thanks for reading, I appreciate you.